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Following on from our previous blog post, ‘Improving Your Assertiveness’, we wanted to illustrate what being assertive looks like.
We know it can be daunting to think about if you’re not a naturally assertive person, that’s why we have also included some ‘Dos and Don’ts’ that you can try to incorporate into your everyday life.
Being assertive falls right in the middle of being passive and being aggressive. If you’re passive, you’ll never get to vocalise your needs; if you’re aggressive, you’ll look like a big bully and will likely be misdirecting your frustrations. However, if you’re assertive, you’ll be able to express your desires while respecting the needs of others, and you’ll have a better chance of getting what you want and deserve.
Here are a few scenarios where you can respond in an assertive manner:
Ask to speak with the manager and explain that you’d like your meal discounted or a free dessert.
Take it back to the store and request an exchange for a pair that won’t unravel.
Tell them you would like them to find a way to silence their dog or at least bring it inside at night.
Point out that you believe you have been waiting longer and should be next.
Explain how their comment made you feel and ask them to stop talking like that.
Suggest another place you’d like to go instead and point out that the other place isn’t your favourite.
Mention that you know they were probably just busy and failed to think about it, but you really do need (fill in the blank).
Ask specifically what the company policy is on the issue and whether they, or a manager, can approve an exception, if necessary.
Below are some do’s and dont’s that will hopefully help you feel more assertive.
Assertiveness and humility make a fine combination. An assertive person doesn’t need to shout “Me, me, me, look what I did!” from the rooftops. Assertive people are remembered because they stand firm, their needs and interests are clear to others, and because they are reliable; they also frequently become a form of role model for others seeking to assert themselves effectively. Take this role to heart but don’t boast, big note yourself or become pushy, no matter how clever, popular, or successful you might be.
For more information, please contact the Nightingale Counselling team on 0141 353 9373 or by using the contact form on our Contact page.
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