Children / Step Families

Do not criticise the stepchild or the parent

Take it slow; very, very small steps is the only way to build the foundation on which the relationship can grow. Friendship is the first relationship you are looking to achieve with a child. When a third party is introduced to a new couple relationship often the child has to deal with the disappointment that the birth parents are not getting back together for whatever reason. You are often seen as the interloper intruder, even the enemy. What we need you to be, is an ally. Sounds like a battle ground? Believe me, it can be.

The intervention of family mediation here will really help you understand the family dynamics at play and allow you to plan your way forward with the children. There are many reasons why the couple relationship can be compromised in a stepfamily situation. Below are a few.

Family mediation will help you to understand the family dynamic. It will also help you define your role and the relationship you want with a stepchild or young adult moving forward. Introduction of very firm boundaries need to be agreed upon and the plan of action on how you move forward also needs to be agreed. There’s no point in arguing about the situation as there is no right or wrong here, just new circumstances to understand and accept. Just because you love the child’s Mum or Dad, it is not a pre-requisite that you will love each other’s children. Or that your children will love your new partner.