Separation Consultancy

Parents will allow their children to thrive by working together. Children deserve this.

Separation and co parenting

Relationship issues are difficult to deal with at the best of times, but it becomes doubly difficult when there are children involved. If separation is where you have got to in your relationship journey, then that’s ok. We obviously want to make sure that you move forward with your life without anger and resentment, but we also want to make sure that your biggest responsibility in life, your children, are also cared for. When you decided to have children, you committed to take care of them, physically, mentally, and emotionally and that’s what needs to continue to happen, even more so now! We will work with both parents to ensure you get it right for your children.

Things to consider through your separation

Separation isn’t easy for any couple. You will be going through a range of emotions that may include anxiety, depression, anger, low self-esteem… unfortunately, so will your children! If you set aside your differences as a couple and focus on your joint responsibility as parents, you will be able to guide your children through the separation process. Here are a couple of things for you to consider…

Provided parental separation is managed well by parents who work together to ensure a gentle, loving, and reassuring transition, children not only ‘can be’ happy but WILL be happy.
Where parents work together to ensure there are not too many changes in the short term, children will feel secure and reassured. Particularly when their parents are telling them how much they are loved.
Children will want to know about what will change. Children do look at this from how it will affect them – where will they live? What about school? What about their pets? If parents have worked together then there will be reassurance for the children.
Parents able to communicate or work in some way together, can give their children the same messages – how much they both love them, and this will never change. It is important not to make promises you can’t keep so it is essential to be on the same page.

Your children will have been in a high state of anxiety, knowing something is dreadfully wrong but not sure what it is. Their imaginations run riot and they also can believe they have done something wrong to cause this. Assuming the blame is quite common, which terrifies them.
With shared residency or even where there is residency and contact, if parents refuse to communicate or work together, the practicalities become the child’s responsibility. They must remember everything, take all the appropriate school stuff etc. If they forget, parents will not communicate with each other, instead the child must sort it out. This is stressful and worrying for the child

We have gathered numerous case studies over the years including a child who had parents that didn’t communicate what was happening, and why it was happening, through the separation. We also worked with a 10-year-old child whose parents separated but gave no consideration to the welfare of their child through the process. It’s horrible to see how, if mismanaged, the separation process can have a huge negative impact on the mental health of the children involved.

Guiding your children through the separation process

Working with a member of the Nightingale team, Lynda, on how to manage your children through the transition of separation is invaluable. As an experienced family mediator for many years, she found herself drawn to helping the children of separated parents. She works with the parents to plan how to get it right, from telling the children to working on the parental relationship to ensure they don’t have to deal with the horrendous emotion fallout if they don’t get it right.

Avoiding unresolved issues

Your children will eventually become adults and if the trauma of seeing their parents split up isn’t managed with care and compassion, the whole experience could turn a damaged child into a damaged adult with unresolved issues! Don’t let this happen to your children.

If you and your family are currently going through the separation process and you are concerned about the mental health of your children, get in touch with Nightingale Counselling today on 0141 353 9373 or by using the contact form on our Contact page.

Focus on your children...

“Even though your relationship may be ending, your responsibilities as parents won’t be. You may feel that your current situation is overwhelming but it’s important that as parents you focus your energy on the wellbeing of your children. The actions of both parents will be hugely significant, at a time when you may feel at your lowest.”

View Testimonials

Focus on your children...

View Testimonials

A friend recommended Florence who I went to see after the end of my marriage was followed by another distressing family situation. Having stayed in a failed marriage for years dithering about what the best course of action was, I had seen a few therapists and councillors before. None of them offered the straight-talking practical help that Florence did. She helped me to look at the difficult issues in my life in ways I hadn’t before, and I benefit from her guidance, advice and good sense every day. Pre Florence-I was stuck in a deep rut, post Florence I am moving forward with a whole new set of emotional tools.

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