“Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret” Henry Ward Beecher
“Remember, you don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to” Unknown author
It is important to realise several things about anger before you start tackling it. First, anger is a normal process that has allowed humans to evolve and adapt. It isn’t a bad thing in itself, but problems occur if it isn’t managed in the right way. Out of control anger needs to be addressed immediately. Sadly, when we release rage, there are always consequences to our actions which lead to sadness and isolation – as anger can be taken out on another person, such as a partner, child, or an object – punching a wall, for example. Uncontrolled anger can lead you down the road to self-destruction and regret.
However, there is a flip side to anger. Because of the surge of energy, it creates, it can be pleasurable. This feeling is reinforced when one’s anger allows the release of feelings of frustration, or if a person’s response to your anger gives you a sense of power. It is important to acknowledge this side of anger as it can have an almost addictive effect.
Excessively angry people need to learn control. Anger management will help you to do that. How you became an angry person can be addressed in counselling. However, you will also need to learn how to break the habit. Sometimes the behaviour is learned from significant others in our past, in some cases, you may have been the victim of anger towards you, or you got away with being angry and became good at it. For others, there are deep feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem which is lost in an angry exchange.
Anger, though it has its place, may express itself inappropriately, either towards you or others. We cannot control anger-provoking situations, but we can manage our responses to them.