The Go Between

The Go Between

When separated or divorced parents are unable or unwilling to communicate, there is a dangerous tendency to use their children to facilitate this, thereby placing the children in the middle of their conflict by using their own children as messengers. In effect, your children will be used as a ‘go between’.

The go between delivering a message

The children are used to deliver information from one parent to the other, which information will often be received by their mum/dad in an emotional, dramatic, or even aggressive way. Parents are prioritising their own issues instead of their children’s needs.

Facing the emotional backlash

There is no doubt children are damaged by being forced into the centre of the conflict. Children have spoken of how sick/sad/frightened they feel as they must be the “grown-ups”, passing on information they know will result in an angry/bitter/emotional backlash from the other parent. Parents will need to find another way to communicate with each other and never put the child in the position of the go between. There is no doubt this kind of behaviour will result in long term damage for your child. Don’t do it ever.

The repercussions for your children’s mental health

If it does happen children will become withdrawn, resentful, and anxious as they are put in an impossible situation. You are forcing them to deal with adult issues as a child which will manifest itself in very unhealthy mental health issues as they become adults themselves.