Go Between

The Go Between

Separating parents passing negative messages through their children is not acceptable... ever.

The Go Between

When separated or divorced parents are unable or unwilling to communicate, there is a dangerous tendency to use their children to facilitate this, thereby placing the children in the middle of their conflict by using their own children as messengers. In effect, your children will be used as a ‘go between’.

The go between delivering a message

The children are used to deliver information from one parent to the other, which information will often be received by their mum/dad in an emotional, dramatic, or even aggressive way. Parents are prioritising their own issues instead of their children’s needs.

Facing the emotional backlash

There is no doubt children are damaged by being forced into the centre of the conflict. Children have spoken of how sick/sad/frightened they feel as they must be the “grown-ups”, passing on information they know will result in an angry/bitter/emotional backlash from the other parent. Parents will need to find another way to communicate with each other and never put the child in the position of the go between. There is no doubt this kind of behaviour will result in long term damage for your child. Don’t do it ever.

The repercussions for your children’s mental health

If it does happen children will become withdrawn, resentful, and anxious as they are put in an impossible situation. You are forcing them to deal with adult issues as a child which will manifest itself in very unhealthy mental health issues as they become adults themselves.

Working together for your children

If parents are willing to put in the effort to work together and find common ground, support and assistance are available to help with co-parenting. It is important for parents to understand that it is their child’s right to have parents who can find a better way forward. Utilising civil email communication, text messages, and online family diaries can be incredibly beneficial in this process.

On the other hand, if parents choose not to prioritise their children’s well-being and continue in a contentious manner, they are knowingly causing harm to their children that will be with them well into adulthood.

Dealing with your children’s thoughts and fears

If you feel that your separation is having, or has had, a negative impact on your children’s wellbeing, we can help. Our Separation Consultant, Lynda has worked in family mediation for over 20 years and has extensive knowledge of working with children whose parents have separated or are going through the separation process. She has heard first-hand the thoughts and fears of children who have struggled to come to terms with their parent’s separation. Lynda has invaluable experience of helping both the separating couple and their children through this challenging time.

To book an appointment with Lynda, call Nightingale Marriage Counselling on 0141 353 9373 or use the contact form on our Contact page.

The children are used to deliver information from one parent to the other, which information will often be received by their mum/dad in an emotional, dramatic, or even aggressive way. Parents are prioritising their own issues instead of their children’s needs.

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